I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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