i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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