I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
