Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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