She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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