I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
