I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
