I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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