i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
