The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
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