dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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