the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
