I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize