just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
