Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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