Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
