Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize