he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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