Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize