I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
