he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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