I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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