if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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