is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
