i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
