At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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