I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
