last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
