Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
