I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
