in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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