You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize