I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
