You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
