when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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