I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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