I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
