Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
