hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
