also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
