she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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