The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
