You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
