I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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