I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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