So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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