I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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