Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
