Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I smell like Dick and happiness
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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