i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
