i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
