remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
