I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
sex in a hospital.. check
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
