I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
