I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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