Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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