A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So much rum. So many feels.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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