dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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