That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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