The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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