Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
