Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
