Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
