My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i drank out of a bidet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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