Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
