Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
