the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
